If I Fall (New Castle Book 2) Read online

  By the time she reached her car she was trembling. With shaky hands, she jabbed the key in the ignition and gripped the wheel.

  She had nowhere to go and she didn’t want to go home. Maybe her olive branch had actually been a desperate attempt to avoid returning to her apartment.

  She needed a plan B. Kat was on her honeymoon, Mia was at her grandparent’s, and Lily was sleeping. Her frustration doubled as her vision blurred. Fuck this. Letting out an aggravated growl, she turned the key and flinched at the sight of Jeremy standing in front of her car.

  What the hell was he doing? Rolling her eyes and lacking the energy to argue, she put the car in reverse. Before she took her foot off the brake, he stalked to her door and opened it. “I’m sorry. Come back inside.”

  “Not if you’re going to be mean to me.”

  “I won’t be mean. Please.”

  She hesitated, letting out a frustrated huff, and put the car in park. He held out his hand.

  She followed him back inside, wanting to be done with the misunderstandings. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with us, but you should know, Dr. Bishop’s a woman. I only slept there because I didn’t want to go home.”

  “You could have mentioned that over the phone.”

  “Why bother when you already assumed I’d wake up with one man and spend the night with another? There’s a jerk here and I’m pretty sure it’s not me.”

  “I was wrong to make an assumption. Sorry.”

  Was that a real apology? She supposed so. “I’m sorry I teased you and let you believe Dr. Bishop was a man.”

  Eyes on his coffee, he folded back the lid. “What’s this new aversion you have toward your apartment?”

  Rather than answer, she sidled closer and slid her arms around his shoulders, smiling up at him. “I don’t like when you’re mad at me.”

  “You’re avoiding my question.”

  “Just for a little while longer. Feed me and then we’ll talk.” She hoped this time she’d be able to get some words out.

  His fingers teased along her arm. She liked that they had reached a point where they could invade each other’s personal space. So long as she remembered it was Jeremy she liked it very much.

  His pupils darkened, swallowing the green of his irises and deepening the color to a rich pine. “Do you want to go out to lunch?”

  “I thought you had all that pesky work to do.”

  “Smart ass.”

  Smiling, she glanced down and sighed. “I need to change.”

  “We can stop at your place.”

  That’s what she was afraid of. Maybe if he went with her she could get in and out without a total mental meltdown. While she was at it, she could grab some personal items to get her through this little nomadic spell. Chances were she’d be staying at Lily’s again—or Jeremy’s. But Lily’s was probably the sensible choice.

  When they pulled up to her apartment, her stomach cramped painfully. You can do this.

  “Do you want me to come up with you?”

  Grateful he offered before she had to ask, she masked her fear with a grin. “If you don’t mind. It’ll only take me a minute to change and grab some stuff.”

  As they took the stairs, she focused on ordinary things in an attempt to convince herself her home was unchanged. The lip of loose carpeting in the hall still needed to be tacked down and the stack of her neighbor’s bills littered his doormat as usual. She was fine until she faced her own door.

  I don’t want to go in there.

  Her tongue lay heavy in her mouth, weighted by the taste of fear, as she took a deep breath and turned the key in the lock. Get in and get the hell out.

  “I’ll just be a minute.”

  Keeping her gaze on the floor, she darted into her bedroom. Filling a bag with clean scrubs, some toiletries, and pajamas, she went about her task like a person retrieving a quarter from the bottom of a swimming pool.

  “How long have you lived here?” Jeremy’s voice echoed from the open living room.

  She entered the living room. “Um, about two years. Ready?”

  “Wow. That was fast.”

  “Yup. Let’s go.”

  Tilting his head, he jerked his chin in the direction of her duffle bag. “Are you taking a trip?”

  She slung the bag over her shoulder. “No, I just like to be prepared. Come on.” Cutting off further questions, she turned and hustled to the hall.

  When he stepped over the threshold she slammed the door and locked it, giving the knob a jiggle to ensure it was secure. “Okay, let’s get out of here.”

  She quickly led the way back to the car.

  Fury had him gripping the steering wheel hard enough to snap it off the column. Who the fuck was with her? He grit his teeth as the man took Jade’s arm and led her to his car.

  He glanced at his Rolex. Ten minutes. They’d been inside her home for less than ten minutes, not long enough to do anything significant.

  Shutting his eyes, he calmed his anger by picturing her naked body in his arms again. The scent of her silky hair, the taste of her skin. She was so fucking soft, so warm.

  What would it be like to have her awake? Would she grab him? Fight him? His cock stretched and pulsed in his jeans.

  Hearing her breath quicken as she tried to fight him off… His eyes closed on a guttural groan. She would need to be subdued, held down. He’d pin her to the bed or the floor and stare at her, waiting until she submitted, accepting that he was ultimately stronger. Oh, she’d be helpless—again. But this time it would be her choice.

  His palm pressed over his zipper and he groaned. He wanted to feel that moment of acceptance with her. That specific point when she gave over to his authority and became his, not because he drugged her, but because she chose to go peacefully. Eventually, it would happen.

  Opening his eyes, he scowled as the guy slid a feminine print duffle bag into the back of the Jeep. His lip curled at the inconvenience of another man in her home. But she hadn’t been home. She’d been hiding.

  Don’t you like your bed anymore, Jade?

  Chapter Nine

  They drove in silence until they reached a small restaurant called The Honey Pot. Jade’s mind continuously debated if this was a date or just friends having lunch. It was difficult to tell because the dialogue flowed easily and there was a familiarity she didn’t usually share with dates.

  “It’s good to see you’re finally doing something about that body of yours,” she teased over lunch.

  He arched a brow. “Is that so?”

  She shrugged, taking a bite of her Cobb salad. “Yeah. I mean, you’re so scrawny. If you ever need a spotter…”

  He laughed. “I’ll remember that.”

  For dessert, she ordered a colossal slice of cake. Placing her fork on the edge of the smeared, empty dish she groaned. “That was amazaballs.”

  “Amazaballs?”

  “Totally.”

  Chuckling, he rolled his eyes. “You, uh, missed your mouth a little there.”

  Pausing, she slowly lifted her pinky and dabbed the corner of her lips. “Did I get it?”

  “Not even close.”

  She rubbed her fingers under her lip. “Now?”

  “Maybe this is a job for a napkin.”

  “Where is it?” She bunched up her napkin.

  His shoulders shook as he silently laughed. “It’s just a little spot right there on your cheek.”

  She swiped the napkin over her cheek. “Gone?”

  A smile broke across his face and she growled. “Oh, for the love of fuck.”

  Reaching into her bag, she removed her phone and opened her camera to the selfie setting and—oy vey—her entire cheek was covered. Scoffing, she dabbed her napkin in the glass of water and quickly cleaned her face. “Jerk. How long was that there?”

  “Pretty much since the first bite.”

  “Thanks for telling me!”

  “I did tell you.”

  “Yeah, when the tab arrived. T
he waitress probably thinks I’m a complete slob.” And this wasn’t the first time she’d worn her food without realizing. Toddlers had better table manners.

  “Oh, stop. It was cute.”

  Her embarrassment fizzled as she met his gaze. “Cute?”

  He shrugged one negligent, muscled shoulder. “Adorable.”

  “Well…” She folded her napkin and sat back. “If you’re going to call me nice things I suppose I can forgive you.”

  His eyes smoldered as he watched her, tiny golden flecks showing like fiery embers in the green. The moment intensified and he cleared his throat, breaking eye contact to reach for his wallet. Oh, to be that wallet, tucked tight against his fabulous ass, warm and constricted.

  “Do you want to come back to my place? We could watch a movie.”

  His place seemed just the place her body wanted to be. “Sure.”

  When they returned to his house he handed her the television remote. “I gotta run downstairs and check my messages. I’m waiting for a client to get back to me. Why don’t you check Netflix?”

  “Okay.”

  He paused and sent her another look like the one he’d sent her just after lunch. Her breath held as she both feared and hoped he’d kiss her. “I should only be a couple of minutes.”

  As soon as he left, she exhaled. When he looked at her like that her entire body tingled. There was definitely some building chemistry between them. As much as she wanted him to make a move, she was also glad they were taking things slower than they had the other morning.

  She made herself at home and got cozy on the couch. Once she found a movie, she cued it and paused at the opening credits, waiting for him to return. A couple of minutes to Jeremy were more like a half hour to the rest of the world. Passing the time, she edited his Netflix account, changing his name to Herby Buttmuncher and the emoticon to a fancy little girl. She was practically dozing off when he finally returned.

  “Everything okay?” she asked, scrubbing her face to wake herself up.

  “Yeah. Sorry, I had a complication with a file.”

  This was probably a good time to inquire about his career. He went to school while in the military and got a degree having something to do with IT and security, but she wasn’t exactly sure what his job entailed. “What exactly do you do, Jeremy?”

  “I write and break codes.”

  “Like computer codes? Who do you work for, the government?”

  “Right now I work for myself, but there’re a few government companies bidding for me to come on full time.”

  Impressive and so very Jason Bourne. She didn’t think there were any government agencies in New Castle aside from the social security office. “Would you have to move again if you took one of those jobs?”

  He sat beside her and pulled her close as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “That’s one of the negotiations I’m working on. I won’t leave Mia again.” Because he’d already missed the first three years of her life while in Iraq. She didn’t want to talk about the war.

  “So what kind of coding do you do? Are you a spy?” she teased and he laughed.

  “No. I look at encrypted software within global networks and find out where people are most vulnerable to threats. I rewrite the codes, encrypting them further, so my client’s assets are protected.”

  “Ah, very double o’seven.” She had no idea what he was talking about. “And people—normal people—need this service, because…?”

  “Because they want to protect their portfolios. I have a few lawyer clients, people who are big in the stock market, and some small business owners. It’s really a form of insurance. I look at how they store their data, find the weak points, and encrypt the files so they’re stronger.”

  “Huh, that’s pretty neat.” She could tweet. That was the extent of her computer savviness. “And you enjoy this?”

  “Well, I was always good with numbers. It’s second nature.”

  “Did you do that kind of stuff in Iraq?”

  “No.” His eyes abruptly turned distant. “In Iraq, I was part of combat.”

  Until he was wounded. The little she knew about his time at war she learned from Kat. Jeremy had returned home after an honorable discharge and some time in the south. Kat said he’d gone through some physical therapy, but Jade didn’t know much about the extent of his injuries. This morning she’d noticed some more light scarring around his torso, but nothing major.

  “Then you went to Texas.”

  “Right.” His gaze studied her for a moment. “You want to talk about this?”

  She shrugged. “Not if it makes you uncomfortable.”

  Stretching out his legs, he pulled her close and sighed. “I was shot with a buddy of mine. He never made it home. I stayed at a rehab facility in Dallas for a few months while I got my affairs in order. After seeing so much death and gore I… It isn’t something anyone wants to remember. That’s when I knew I wanted to come home and be with my daughter.”

  “I’m glad you came home.”

  “Me too.” Several minutes passed in silence, him staring at the wall while he ran his fingers slowly over a strand of her hair.

  Admiring the size of his other hand and the bulk of his muscular thighs, the temptation to kiss him grew. Pressing her knees together, she steeled herself for the inevitable and broached the subject they’d danced around for the past several months.

  “Jeremy, what’s going on with us?”

  His attention flicked to her, the side of his mouth kicking up with boyish charm. “What do you mean?” He knew what she meant.

  “I mean, what is this?” She gestured between the two of them. “Us.”

  Capturing her fingers, he brought them to his lips and kissed the tips. “I’m not sure, but I know I like it.”

  “I like it too. I’m just not sure what to make of it. I mean, you’ve been home for a year now and never made a move until the other day. Why?”

  “I … needed to see that Kat was taken care of first. I know she was with Ty when I returned and I know he’ll always take good care of her, but I needed to make sure I had a role in their lives. In Mia’s.”

  She not only understood but respected that. Jeremy was a good dad and Jade loved Mia enough to make her happiness a higher priority than her own. “So, Kat getting married was some sort of green light for you?”

  “The things she didn’t have, in a way I took them from her. I didn’t want to steal anything from this monumental time of her life. I’m glad she got the happy ending she deserved.” He twisted to fully face her. “Whatever happens between us, Jade, I want it to be ours. I know Kat’s your best friend, but it’s a little weird because she’s also the mother of my daughter.”

  “She knows how I feel about you.”

  He smirked. “How do you feel about me?”

  Her heart skipped as his gaze devoured her mouth as if he held his breath for her answer. “Um … you’re okay.”

  “Just okay?”

  She shrugged. “I like you.”

  “Like or like like?”

  She laughed and shoved him. “What are you, twelve? It’s a heavy like, okay?”

  “Well, I’d hoped.” He spared her a cocky smile. His expression was light, but his eyes gave away a hint of insecurity, making her believe it mattered more than he was letting on.

  “So, what exactly are we doing? Are we dating?”

  “I guess it’s whatever we want it to be. I’m not interested in a relationship that isn’t monogamous though. Last night, when I thought you spent the night at another man’s house, I wanted to wring your neck and hang the bastard by his balls.”

  Her face heated. Possessiveness could be a nuisance, but when a man was territorial, that was a whole different ball game. Knowing he wanted some sort of claim to her made her insides all warm and gushy.

  “I’m okay with monogamy, so long as it’s equally honored.”

  “Good. Also, I don’t want Mia to know anything—at least for a while.
I don’t want her to get ahead of herself with assumptions about the future.”

  “I agree. I don’t want her to get hurt or be angry because something didn’t go the way she expected.” She loved that little munchkin.

  “I also don’t plan on having a hollow relationship, Jade. I expect you to be open with me and honest. That means you have to trust me with some of your secrets. Whatever was going on with you last week, I hope it’s better now, but from here on out I expect you to talk to me about your problems.”

  Her smile faded as she glanced at her lap. “It’s over,” she whispered, now taking his words seriously.

  She would go to the police after her next shift, tell them what she knew, and stop dwelling on the negative events of her life. This, right here with Jeremy, discussing their future, this was what she wanted.

  “Will you tell me what happened?” His warm fingers dragged slowly over her jaw.

  She shut her eyes, proud when tears didn’t come rushing to the surface. Taking a deep breath, she asked, “Is that a condition to us being together?”

  “No, but I’m curious. Something obviously upset you. Badly.”

  “Look,” she sighed. “Maybe, down the road, I’ll be ready to talk about it, but for right now I’d rather not. I think—if you can respect that and give me time—we’d be better off. Like I said, it’s over. I’m safe and in a few days I’ll—hopefully—never have to think about it again.”

  He tensed. “What’s in a few days? And when was your safety ever in question?”

  Shit. “See? Questions like that make me have to think about it and that’s what I want to avoid.”

  He frowned and she sensed he wasn’t going to let it go. This had been the best day since her ordeal and she didn’t want to spoil it. Ignoring his frown, she scooted closer and reached for his jaw. “I have a better idea...”

  He caught her wrist. “I’m not easily distracted, Jade. If you’re in danger, I want to know. I may be able to help.”